Non- Scholarship Essay

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迎秋西里•雪落

迎秋西里•雪落

——————2015年12月

想着离去的日子

越来越近时总感太快

只因离你越来越远

直至见也不见

或悲痛或日日乞怜思念

连雪也下得沉默

亢奋中生气

靠近你时,怕你化如水

终会无影无踪

疏远了你,终是我

郁郁寡欢的时刻,或哀绝

或辜负了向往或喜欢

我形形色色,皮或肉被离间

雪下得淋漓尽致

一身絮或如注心的虫

死死咬,却又不离去

一转身,喜笑颜开

想必多年以后

只记得这雪下后的山空明

一场雪,一场人间

迎秋西里•惆怅

迎秋西里·惆怅

——————2015年10月

碌碌无为岂能话可多。

夜已天明睡影又未曾婆娑。

是隔离,是会飞的水,

还是崖山断魂草,

多怕西山难就东坡高。

来来来,酒到多处已是少。

满上满上,随风走星,

又怎管他夜多狂!

形影单只草哭娘,

天桥悠悠车似流水又彷徨。

无声为寂三人远处闹别离,

静已忧,不净亦忧,

喜上喜上,酒浸戚荒

管他怎又世态炎凉!

回头太难

回头太难

——————2015年2月

忍你一日,

便觉胜了往事无数。

越了千年暮。

吟不得亦饮不得,

这西运河的苦楚幕幕。

我如那着急着忙,

路边的干枝裂树。

身上一道道,

依高极远处,

又是如霾割了目。

耐不得亦奈不得,

想起便如刀,

让人血流如注。

自从我得了大三病

自从我得了大三病

——————2014年10月

大三病。

这个病由来已久,但至今才给了一个专业上的称呼,我给的,可能我的症状比较明显吧。

得了大三病,你会呼吸惆怅,四肢微微抽搐,彻夜失眠,目光呆滞,鼻有血丝,总感时间太多,却做不得事,整天晃悠见不得光,也见不得人,未来一片黑暗,星星都没有,连信仰也斑驳脱落。

这是病,我也知道这是病。

有些人病入膏亡,而我给了自己一个准确的定义:性别不分。

然后,我同学给我邮来三本佛经,《妙法莲华经》《波若波罗密多心经》《心经讲记》。我只能说这三本书的确是好书,无奈我才疏学浅,读不进去,只有心经讲记读了几次。效果也不是很好。

效果不好啊,我远方的同学说,那我也帮不了你了。

我还有一个北京的同学,比我早一级的,他大三时就已经与佛结缘,衣食住行,均有佛的影子,当时我还一头雾水,现在我倒是羡慕不已,他能静下来啊。

所以,与佛无缘的我,便放弃治疗,随它去吧。

我就这么晃悠着,到教学楼上课,到稻香园吃饭,回宿舍睡觉,我的生活里满是重复。重复的我像疯狗一样,像疯狗一样仓皇无助。

我很高兴十一的时候和雨哥骑车去了上马厂,去了卧牛湖。我高兴的不得了,因为我在竭尽全力去到达我渴望的地方。这可能是我本学期做的最爷们的事了吧,我自感大义凛然,怀了几分宁死不屈。

卧牛湖的水清澈亮丽,山上的天也格外泛蓝。

上马厂的地无比黝黑,湍急的江水分外幽幽。

我感谢这北黑的一往情深,也感谢我这同行的人,惺惺相惜。

拖着这垮掉的下半身,我自觉我灵魂活灵活现,游刃有余。

你便知道,做一件自己喜欢的事,该置生死于度外。

 

对待生活,我再也不敢恣意妄为。

我希望我自己能够静的从容,也能动的豁达,随心所欲,编制一幅晚秋的彩霞。一件事启迪了你,你就会如死气沉沉的山水画,瞬间流水叮咛,小鸟作响,而变得如一汪秋水般风生水起,动的潇洒,活得从容不迫。生活就是如此这般,烦恼何其多,我们却纠缠着不放,还总想着占个上风,却不知当你有此想法的时候,已经陷入了下风。

我们烦恼之处就是有梦。人都有梦,大家都有梦,这个国家也有梦,我只能说,醒醒,我们何时能醒过来呢?别让梦想把你窒息了,把你扯碎了,把你飘走了。你的梦想不该是梦,是生活,在生活中步履维艰。当你成功时,请对着欢呼的人群说一句,艾玛,这个梦好长啊,终于醒了。当你失败时,也别气馁,别人看不到你,不必哀伤,大家只能看见梦醒的人。总有人在拿着那些所谓虚无缥缈的东西来掩饰他们丑陋的嘴脸,他们的丑陋之处就是你的成功得分给他们一半,而他不参与你步履维艰的过程。

我的一位老师曾经给我们说,你们大三的太消极了,小心别出家了,别以为未来一片荒凉,都积极点。我的高中老师曾经给我们讲,都别太喜欢那些隐居山林的人,自认为自己清风傲骨的人,他们都是生活中不能自理的人,他们都是被生活抛弃的人,不负责任的人。前几天有一个老师更为露骨给我说,那些人都是装逼的人,你还真以为他们是为了寻找清静无为了,一切静皆源于内心,他们之所以跑那么远,要么自己静不下来,要么得靠周遭的环境掩盖自己的虚伪。你若静,何须时间地点呢?静,何须要脸呢,望着月牙泡,你都能静下来。哈哈

真正乐观的人,是那些被狮子追到树上还能欣赏风景的人。还是那句话,我们的伟大之处不是为了某些远在天边的人而沾沾自喜,而是关注了身边的人。我身边的人,都坚强的要死。你看不出他们有多么坚强,因为他们和你一样平凡,他们也会在欢乐中欢乐,这是正常的日子,背后的辛酸让人可歌可泣,一路走来,坎坎坷坷,我不敢想。他不会给你讲他们的过去,过去就是过去,他们该如我们这些人一样享受生活中平凡,很高兴他们做到了。生活就是这样,无论你有什么遭遇,那都不是打击,坚强起来,别让我们看出你的不堪往事,我们和你一样。最美好的事情就是我们都没有过去,然后走在一起欢笑着,肩并着肩,个子不够,请踮起脚跟。

人不堪其忧,回也不改其乐。请不要把过往的不满拉回来,也不要把未来的未知拉到现在。我们所要做的就是珍惜现在,接受过往,畅想未来,不单单是我,还有你。我们忧虑是因为我们对自己不自信,对未来充满了野心,有野心是好的,但别被现实腐蚀了内心。现实就是,能火起来的东西都是你身边没有的而且又是你极其渴望的,未来你拥有的东西被过早地拉在了你面前,这些人,你说该有多么的损。现实被这些人钻了空子,但是原谅他们吧,我们自当高傲不已。人的高贵之处就是原谅那些犯错了的人,要不然呢?又不然他就会绑架你的思想,让你痛苦不已。我们害怕的就是害怕本身。不只是你,包括整个社会,我们害怕什么就会出现什么,因为害怕会传染,是害怕让我们失去了勇于面对的勇气。别逃避,就是这样,害怕什么,就来什么。

最后了,你该走出去,去享受这个本该属于你的世界。你是不必羡慕大城市的,你看不到它被核弹瞄准的紧张,当然你也看不到它背后的凄凉,他们紧张,他们一直荒凉。如果可能,你该去小城流浪,流水穿城而过,光着脚丫的你,纵享丝滑。你不用担心自个从哪里来到那里去,这样走完一生,你就活得恰到好处了。别让别人影响了你的生活,你的生活本该是由自己掌控的,未来不迎,过往不就,无论赞美与否,也改变不了什么。别向往那些可望不可及的东西,太远,时间久了,让人生疼。那就关注身边的物,一花一草,也本该得到你的呵护。如此这般,看着雪发呆不好吗?

是啊,你就该如年轻般悠扬。

 

 

大学,浑浊的酒

大学,浑浊的酒

————2016年6月

大学是一壶老酒

醉的人世态炎凉

不醉的人喝出芬芳

我们都醉了

剩下了一地的酒瓶

碎了远方

 

来不及收拾行囊

我们还一路高歌欢畅

浩瀚的海棠吐着信子

城市再大,还是空旷

低下头颅

风化悲凉